Feel strange
A few days ago I saw a car video show there is a “girl” very special, she is a cross-dresser, dress, attitude, demeanor are very pass, will not make people feel very abrupt, the overall effect is very good.
Recently I’m a bit obsessed with this show, often see very late to sleep
First of all I was definitely drawn to this girl and hope to see her more on the show. I would be truly happy for her to find her own way of life, to be able to live and work in the form she likes and to do it so well that I’m envious.
What I feel strange is that I have a mixture of emotions on this matter.
- Do I like her or do I want to be her?
- Do I like her? Of course, she’s great in every way, and the fact that she’s a male is not at all repulsive in my mind.
- Do I want to be her? I’m not sure, but given the choice, I’d probably choose another gender to live with.
- What exactly am I envying her for?
- Envious of the fact that she can live in the form she likes? Yes, if possible I would like to live in the form I like.
- Envious of her financial situation? With my financial situation, I really can’t support having a car hobby. I can make a lot fewer choices in life than she can.
- Why do I feel inferior?
She has strong competitive spirit and does not give up. I am the opposite, I choose to compromise and give up on many things.
Her physical body condition is very good, even as a “girl” she is very good.
Acts very natural in front of the camera and is perfect for showing herself on camera. But I am very scared of the camera.
- Why am I truly happy for her?
- Maybe she is what I want to be in my heart, and seeing her find her way in life is like I have found it too.
Anyway, this event touched me and I need some time to feel this experience.